Alcohol Related Ficcies
by eMu3
Summary: various fics centered around drinking. sr implied slash
1. Default Chapter

Title: Alcohol Related Ficcies  
  
Author: eMu  
  
Author's Notes: I noticed that I write quite a few stories centring around characters who are dealing with parent(s) with alcohol problems (hmm…I wonder why?) For some reason or other I thought that my inspiration for these fics was drying out, but I just got a healthy batch for tonight and the realization that I will never stop writing these stories. So I'm going to head them all under this one fic as different chapters so I don't have to have five billion short stories.  
  
Andromeda Black was getting very good at dealing with her mother, she thought so anyway. She'd managed to take any and all anger out of her voice. She calmed herself down in the midst of arguments. She didn't let any of Brenna Black's awful words sink in. She found healthy ways to vent her anger. Now if only her younger cousin could do the same.  
  
"You stay away from her you crazy bitch!"  
  
"Don' you talk ta me that way you little shit!" Brenna slurred.  
  
It was darkly comic. Though only fourteen, Sirius was about a head taller than his aunt. He seemed taller even than that, what with the way Brenna was hunched over and swaying.  
  
It would be her father and her uncle, to go and marry identical twins, Andromeda thought lazily. Her father and Sirius' father were brothers, and their mums were identical twins. Identical in looks, personalities and drinking problems.  
  
Oh yes, the noble house of Black had alcoholics. For there was no nice way of saying it, Brenna and Belladonna Black were dependent on alcohol to get through their lives. And they were angry, confrontational drunks.  
  
Whenever they drank, they would track down a person, be it a child of theirs, a niece, a nephew or their spouses, they would corner their victim and yell at them, doing their best to shatter that person's self esteem in the process. Sirius and Andromeda were favourite targets, the disappointments to the family.  
  
Andromeda had moved out two years ago, after graduating Hogwarts. And she'd been sorely tempted to cut all ties with her family, even more tempted after she'd gotten pregnant by her muggle boyfriend at age seventeen. She'd been dating Ted in secret, but after she'd starting showing, the family had demanded to know who the father was. After having her name burned from the tapestry, it was assumed she would be cut from the Black family.  
  
But she couldn't leave Sirius to suffer alone. She was worried about her little cousin, he still had a good three years left, unless they kicked him out earlier. She wanted to take him in, oh how she wanted to have him live with her. But Ted wasn't making much money and looking after Nymphadora was a full time business. They simply couldn't afford the extra body.  
  
This argument had actually begun because of her, in a way. Oh, Brenna had been civil enough to begin with. She looked at pictures of Nymphadora and gushed over her adorable grandchild, who was almost two years old now. But as the drinks were poured and the tongue loosened, she had come after Andromeda and ranted at her about what a disappointment she was, how could she marry a muggle…  
  
Andromeda had used every trick she'd learned over the years, but after almost two hours of her mother's ranting, some of it hit home and she'd made the mistake of shedding a few tears. And Sirius had jumped to her defence, and now he was being assaulted.  
  
"How dare you say those things about Ted, you don't even know him! Just because he's a muggle-he's a good person! Which is more than I can say for you she-bitches!" Sirius screamed.   
  
"A muggle's a muggle…n'they're all inferiurh to the Blacksh! 'E doesn' desurve any baby of mine! Which is why she isn' mine! Nope, Andromeduh…yer not mine! I disowned you, you go away! Get outta my housh!" Brenna slurred.  
  
"Ted is a good person. What standards you have, he's a lot better than bloody Lestrange, who's probably out now trying to convince Bellatrix to give him head!" Sirius snarled.  
  
"Rodolphus s'a good kid! You don' even desurve ta talk about 'im! Yer nuthhin but a Mudblood loving blood traitor!" Brenna yelled back.  
  
"Okay!" Andromeda called out, attempting to sound cheerful. "Mum it's awful late, why don't you go on up to bed or something?"  
  
"You dun tell me what ta do!" Brenna yelled at Andromeda. Andromeda grimaced. New tactic.  
  
"You know what, I think I'm going to find Auntie Bella and then I can ask her if Sirius can spend the night with me at my place. You know, he really needs to see more of his second cousin anyway. Nymphadora's been missing him." Andromeda interjected the same false cheerfulness in her smile into her voice.  
  
Sirius sent a grateful look at her. As soon as Belladonna decided the visit was over, he was in for more of the same from her at home for yelling at one of his elders, Belladonna's sister and best friend, no less.  
  
Unfortunately, this great plan was ruined as Belladonna was slumped in the doorway, and had apparently heard a bit of the argument. "My shun's not staying at the h-houshe of a blood traitor! 'E's not shetting foot near tha' Mudblood you call a hushband!"  
  
Sirius bared his teeth in a growl. Andromeda was quick to speak before he could make things worse. She walked across the room and put her hand on his shoulder, willing him to keep his cool. "Ted's actually out of town Auntie. I need to go soon, Nymphadora's horrid with babysitters. Are you sure you won't let Sirius stay the night?" She nudged Sirius.  
  
"Please?" He asked in a cool, forcibly restrained voice.  
  
Belladonna considered for a minute. It was almost funny, watching her try to think when she was as inebriated as she was.  
  
"Fine. I dun wanna shee yer face agin anyway, yer a horrible kid. I wish I'd never had you. Stay the night! Shtay th' week fer all I care! Never come back!" Belladonna yelled, before stumbling from the room, calling for her husband.  
  
Andromeda steered Sirius towards the fireplace, but Brenna was not going to let them leave before giving them her own parting words.  
  
"Yer a horrible kid Sirius, all you do is hurt yer mum! Can' you see that? Yer killing my sister with all the stress! She's going to die because of you! It woulda bin better if she never h-had you!" Brenna shouted, specks of saliva flying from her mouth and clinging to Sirius' robes.  
  
Andromeda expected Sirius to blow at that moment. He was impulsive and had temper problems, she wouldn't have been surprised if he'd punched Brenna right then, she certainly deserved it.  
  
But Sirius said nothing. Taking this as the first good event of the night, Andromeda threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace. The flames roared green, she shoved Sirius into the fireplace and made to follow him.  
  
A hand clinging to her robes stopped her. She turned around and faced her mother, who was actually crying. "Wait, Andy don' go!" Brenna pleaded.  
  
Andromeda wanted to leave very badly. Not only was the knot in her stomach becoming larger and large, and the scent of the beer on her mother's breath making her nauseous, but she did not want to leave her cousin alone in her flat in the state he was in. "What is it mother?" She asked politely, despite her instincts yelling at her to leap into the fireplace and not to look back.  
  
"I'm so shorry! I'm sorry I've bin sush a bad mother. If I wuzza better one then you'da never married a Mudblood! I'm sho, sho sorry!" Brenna slurred.  
  
Andromeda forced a smile. "It's okay mum, I like my life." Obviously this was not a comforting thing for Brenna to hear as she fell over and began sobbing violently, clinging to her oldest daughter's robes.  
  
Belladonna chose that moment to re-enter, her youngest son, Regulus, trailing behind her looking pathetic in his submissiveness. Belladonna took in her sister, then turned to her niece, a look of rage on her face.  
  
"Don' you hurt yer mother! She's been nuthin but good to you, although I don' know why! Yer a horrible kid ta her, and it's yer fault Sirius ish behavin' the way he ish!" Belladonna yelled.  
  
Andromeda opened her mouth to speak, but at that moment Belladonna made to punch her. She missed her mark completely, of course, and instead toppled right over onto the floor with a loud thud. Regulus stooped over to help her up, but he was a skinny little thing, completely lacking the height and build of his big brother. Belladonna fell right over again.  
  
Grimacing, Andromeda stepped into the flames and flooed home.  
  
Author's Notes: Like it? I had even more, and it was much better written, but then the computer deleted it all and I had to start over. Fucking computer, it hates me. Anyway, review please! I will love you forever if you review! ^_^ Big hugs for reviewers! 


	2. Nothing's Changed

Remus admitted to himself, at first he didn't like the motorcycle, but he could really get used to this…  
  
Clinging to Sirius, burying his face in Sirius' hair (even if it whipped his face a little), it was worth the initial disorienting feeling that came from the speed.   
  
Of course he'd have enjoyed the ride a lot more if the destination were anywhere else. Sirius had only picked him up for a quick ride on his new bike (emphasis on new, Meryl and Mustachio had just taken him to buy it). He had to return to his damned house. He grimaced as they slowed down to an acceptable speed, and then an eventual stop in front of the dismal shack that housed the Lupins and their mother's boyfriend/meal ticket, Jim.  
  
Sirius got off the bike first, and then offered his hand to Remus in a very gentlemanly like manner. Remus rolled his eyes and got off without assistance. "I'm not helpless you know."  
  
"I never meant to imply you were." Sirius answered with a relaxed smile. "I just wanted another excuse to touch you."  
  
"Oh? You had me glued to your back the entire ride. That wasn't enough?" Remus asked flirtatiously.  
  
"There's never enough." Sirius answered, pulling Remus close and kissing him.   
  
Remus tried to relax and enjoy the sensation of Sirius' lips against him, something he normally had no problem doing…but they were right in front of his house. He couldn't help but think of his mum, of Jim…if they saw it…  
  
Sirius brushed his fingers against Remus' cheek. He still hadn't broken the kiss. He seemed to be deepening it. Remus (rather reluctantly even if it didn't seem that way to Sirius) pulled away. He frowned at the hurt look in Sirius' eyes while his skin still tingled from where Sirius' mouth had been.  
  
"S-sorry love. It's just, you know…if one of them saw that." He motioned towards the house.  
  
"I know, you'd be in for it." Sirius said with a reluctant sigh. He smiled sadly at Remus. "I still wish I could kiss you goodbye properly though."  
  
"That was pleasant enough, more than I deserve." Remus said, feeling his knees go weak at the heated look Sirius gave him. He knew there was a lot more Sirius wanted to do to him than kiss him, but so far he hadn't let him.  
  
Remus squeezed Sirius' hand and then turned towards the house and forced himself to walk forward. Each step took more effort than the last as he got further from Sirius and all that was good in the world, and closer to his miserable excuse for a family. He could hear music being played in the house. He looked in the window and was startled.  
  
His mother was dancing, she looked happy. Lucille Lupin was not a happy drunk. Drunk yes, happy no. Remus raised an eyebrow. He hesitated at the doorway, wondering if it was a trick. He dismissed the idea, as it was extremely irrational…but he was still confused.  
  
"Moony!" Sirius called. Remus turned around. "If it's bad in there, call us okay. You know what this bike mean, right? It means I can pick you up if they're being shits."  
  
"Sirius, you always pick me up. Even without a motorcycle." Remus said with a gratified smile.  
  
"A soon to be flying motorcycle."  
  
"Oh I hope someone talks you out of that one." Remus muttered, before entering his house.  
  
He tried to walk up the stairs to his room without his mother noticing. He figured he had a good chance, it was hard to see the stairwell from the living room, and even though the steps creaked, the music was sure to drown it out. But she seemed to be waiting for him, so he wasn't even on the third step before Mrs. Lupin came into the hallway.  
  
"R'mus! Yer finally home!" She shouted, stumbling towards him and wrapping him in a messy hug. He resisted the urge to pull away, she smelled like beer and an ash tray. But she never hugged him, or showed affection for him, so he resisted the urge and stood still.  
  
"I shaw yooou outside with that, that boy. That pretty boy. Whatsis name? Anywaysh, he's hot and he kished you!" Mrs. Lupin slurred happily. She pinched Remus' cheek affectionately and he was relatively sure this was not the same person he'd left the house to earlier.  
  
"Oh Remus…I alwaysh thought you'd be alone cuzzuv what you are…I wash always worried abou' you. Cuz yer a good boy an' you don' deserve to be alone. But that boy looked nice and, oh Remus I'm so happy for you! I want you to be, be happy!" She said, her eyes watering. She looked ecstatic.  
  
Remus' face looked calm, but internally he was shocked. His mother had hardly spoken to him since, well since before he was bit. She hadn't acted like she'd cared about him since before he was a werewolf. This took him completely by surprise. Especially since Jim was a homophobe. He figured his mother would fear for him more than anything if she found out.   
  
"I…I was trying to keep it a secret. You know, because of Jim." Remus explained, hoping his mother would elaborate as to why him being gay was not a problem.  
  
"Oh Jimmy's out wif friends now. It duzzint matter, as long as yer happy Remus. Just don't tell him and we'll all be fine. I just want you to be happy. I love you R'mus. You're happy, right?" Lucille asked.  
  
Remus smiled. "I'm really happy mum. I've never been happier than when I'm with Sirius."  
  
Lucille hugged him again. "Tha's wonderful! Oh, wait, does he know?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, he knows. And he doesn't care mum. He loves me anyway." Remus whispered, surprised to find he was crying. He hugged his mother back.   
  
He never cried, or he tried not to anyway. He wondered why he was crying now, when he felt so relieved. His mother still loved him, and Sirius loved him. And no one cared he was a poofy-werewolf. Well, so long as punch-happy Jim didn't find out, they'd all be fine.  
  
The sentimental moment was interrupted, however, when Jim pulled into the driveway. Lucille and Remus pulled apart, the moment was gone. Lucille stumbled into the living room, back to her booze and her cigarettes. Remus shut himself in his room.  
  
Things were back to normal.  
  
But Lucille loved him, and he knew it now.  
  



	3. A fight

"God they're pathetic." Sirius muttered. Regulus stared at him with wide eyes.  
  
"Don't talk about mum and auntie like that." He hissed, fully expecting either of them to run into the room and start yelling at the boys. Sirius rolled his eyes. Whereas Regulus was unimaginably frightened of his mother and aunt, Sirius had no respect for them whatsoever, and it's very hard to fear what you don't respect.  
  
He walked over to the doorway and listened. Brenna and Belladonna Black had been drinking all day. Sirius had spent a good deal of it out with James, listening to his preppy friend with the perfect life bitch about things that weren't really important. "Oh Lily won't go out with me, oh Daddy only gave me twenty galleons to spend today, oh my grades are slightly less than perfect." It was James' usual behaviour, and it got on even patient Remus' nerves sometimes. But Sirius rather enjoyed it. He liked to pretend his problems were as simple as James'. And counselling James was a helluva lot easier than counselling himself. At any rate, when he'd gotten back Brenna was still at his house and involved in a screaming match with Belladonna.  
  
From the sound of it, when he'd first walked in anyway, they had been yelling about Andromeda. Seems the family had confirmed the father of her child was a Muggle born. They'd had suspicions but no proof. Well, Sirius had known all along of course, he'd met Ted a few times and thought he was a good guy. The rest of the family however…it had been thought best to keep them in the dark for as long as possible. He was pretty sure Andromeda had been sizzled off the tapestry that afternoon. Pregnant that young and by a Muggle born…  
  
Anyway, as soon as Brenna had spotted Sirius coming in, she switched the conversation/screaming match over to him as opposed to her screw-up child. Sirius was pretty sure he'd given them at least an hour's worth of material before he'd finally gotten into his room and locked them out.  
  
Regulus had come in at some point during the night. They weren't close, they never had been, but for some reason they always stayed together during the rows Belladonna had, whether it was with Brenna, their father, Andromeda, or even each other.  
  
"They're back to Andy again. Honestly the same topics round and round, and they never make any impression on the other one. They're too thick to stop, that's what's the matter with them." Sirius said, a humourless smile on his face.  
  
Regulus hugged his knees and rocked back and forth. "D'ya think auntie will leave soon?"  
  
"I doubt it." Sirius answered. "They never leave before, like three when they're like this."  
  
"Where's Dad?"  
  
"Probably out with unc. Can you blame him? I'd run screaming every chance I got if I were married to that." Sirius said with disgust. "I can't imagine a more miserable life partner. She's mean, selfish, paranoid, bigoted, stupid, arrogant, thick-"  
  
"Don't say that about mum!" Regulus shouted, jumping to his feet. A tinge of red had appeared in his cheeks and his fists were balled. He glared at Sirius with determination.  
  
Sirius fought the urge to laugh as he lazily walked closer to Regulus. He was about a head taller than Regulus, and though he had a slight build himself, it was a lot more impressive than Regulus who was just willowy. Added to that Sirius had actual experience as far as fighting went, being a blood traitor and all, he was a popular attempted punching bag for the Slytherins.  
  
"Are you going to hit me Reggie?" Sirius asked, not quite able to hide his amusement.  
  
"Maybe." Regulus growled. "And don't call me Reggie. I'm sick of you Sirius! You don't think anything's important you don't, you don't get it! All you do is insult mum and run off and do bad things and make her worry! She's worried about you and how you'll turn out-"  
  
"The hell she's worried about me. She's worried about her reputation. She's worried about having to admit to auntie that I'm just as much of a fuck up as Andy is. Possibly worse, I'll find something to outdo Andy. Although getting knocked up by a Muggle born would be pretty hard to beat." Sirius spat, bitterness dripping from his voice.   
  
He was very close to Andromeda. But he doubted he would get to see her as much now, given his family's opinion of her.  
  
"Don't you dare embarrass this family any more than that! I see you at school, with that Mudblood loving Potter and that queer Lupin-"  
  
"What did you say about my friends?" Sirius asked, any and all amusement gone. There was a cold anger in his voice. He and Regulus were standing across from each other. They'd never gotten along, but they'd never fought like this either. It seemed like Regulus was letting out a lot of pent up anger.  
  
"You heard me." Regulus snapped. "Everyone knows Potter's after that filthy Mudblood Evans, and Lupin, well he's always sick. Bellatrix thinks he's got AIDS. And that Pettigrew kid-"  
  
"Hey, I don't even like Peter that much, he just stokes James' ego." Sirius said defensively. "And Remus does not have AIDS, you take that back!"   
  
"Why are you so nervous? Have you been fucking him or something?" Regulus spat.  
  
"You think I'm gay?" Sirius asked, some of the amusement returning.  
  
"I think you're a slut and you'd sleep with anything." Regulus answered.  
  
"You're awfully brave." Sirius said quietly. There was a very dangerous calm to him. He took a step closer to Regulus, and his confidence wavered. He seemed to be realizing how much bigger Sirius was than him, and how much better he was at fighting and casting hexes.  
  
"If you hurt me, mum'll really kill you." Regulus warned.  
  
Sirius let out a barking laugh. "There are so many things I've done to drive mum up the wall, do you really think punching you when you deserve it is going to warrant a worse punishment than she's already given me?"   
  
"Well mum loves me, at least. And I didn't say anything that wasn't true." Regulus said quietly. Sirius growled and he backed away.  
  
"You're such a bloody coward." Sirius said, low in his throat.  
  
Regulus flinched at the threatening behind Sirius' voice. Then he cried out in surprise as Sirius darted forward and grabbed his arm. Sirius twisted his arm behind his back and he let out a yelp of pain.  
  
"Stoppit! Stoppit Sirius or I'll tell!" Regulus pleaded.  
  
"Tell what?" Sirius demanded, twisting harder. Regulus fell onto his knees.   
  
"I'll tell them that you're fucking Lupin!" Regulus cried out, and then hissed in pain.  
  
"I'm not-"  
  
"I saw you snogging by the Quidditch pitch two months ago! I saw it Sirius, you're disgusting!" Regulus screamed. Sirius had released him out of pure shock. "He's got AIDS, look at him! Do you want to infect yourself!? You could die Sirius!"  
  
"And wouldn't you all love that?! Wouldn't you all love if I just dropped dead before I could properly shame the family like Andy?!" Sirius yelled back. "I hate you all! You're the most selfish, fucking hypocrites, you're all bloody bastards, the lot of you! I hate this family!"  
  
"Then leave! All you do is make us miserable!" Regulus was crying now, but still glaring angrily at Sirius.  
  
"I make you miserable?! That's a load of shit compared to what you psychos do to me! I am leaving!" Sirius stormed over to his closet and started digging around for his cloak.  
  
"Where the fuck will you go? Who would take in a rotten fucking poofy blood traitor like you?" Regulus hissed.  
  
Sirius turned around and punched him in the face. Regulus was on the floor holding his jaw, whimpering in pain and staring at Sirius with wide, frightened eyes.  
  
Sirius stood there, his vision clouded with red, he'd never been so angry. He knew he was nearing a point in himself he'd come to many times, and he slowly eased himself back. He realized Regulus was yelling at him, crying so hard most of it was incomprehensible through the sobbing, but he tuned it out entirely.   
  
He found his cloak and the bag he stashed his Muggle cloths in. He opened the door and jogged down the stairs, intent on getting to the door as quickly as possible.  
  
He was stopped in the hallway by Brenna and Belladonna. Well, delayed is a better word.  
  
"Where d'ya think yer goin' this late at night?" Brenna demanded. "Fucking cunt uva kid ya got Bells."  
  
"Don' you call mah kid that." Belladonna slurred. "Sirius you go upstairs n' sleep. S'late."  
  
"Mum Sirius hit me!" Regulus cried, running down the stairs. He ran right over to his mother, crying and trembling. She hugged him fiercely and protectively, almost knocking him over as she leaned too much weight on him.  
  
"What dijja do ya bastard?" Belladonna yelled, spit flying from her mouth.  
  
"I punched the little son of a bitch." Sirius said through gritted teeth. "Now let me leave."  
  
"If you go out that door now, yer never comin' back!" Belladonna yelled. "I've had enough of you ruinin' my family!"  
"Oh don't worry mum, I don't intend to ever come back to this miserable place as long as I live!" Sirius yelled back.  
  
"Where the hell'd you go? No one would take you in!" Brenna cried. "Yer a disobedient little shit an' no one'd want to deal with you!"  
  
"I'd rather die freezing and starving on the street than spend another minute in this house." Sirius growled. With that he left the house, slamming the door.  
  
He ran up the massive front lawn, fearing pursuit, though he knew his mother and aunt were unable to walk in a straight line, let alone catch him. It was an irrational fear, and he knew he didn't have to run but he did anyway. Eventually it wasn't so much running from fear as it was exhilaration. He was free. He was finally free.  
  
*******************************  
  
"Oh Sirius don't worry about anything, honey drink more cocoa. You can stay with us for as long as you need to, don't even worry about it. We have plenty of money, more than we need to. And that guest room can be your bedroom. Start eating honey, you look so thin and pale."  
  
"Mum back off. He's had a hard time, let him breathe."  
  
"I'm sorry sweetie, I just fuss. I'll leave you boys alone now." Meryl Potter bustled out of the kitchen, leaving Sirius alone with James.  
  
"Sorry about her, you know how she is. She's nutters." James said, looking very uncomfortable. "So…is this permanent then? Like, you're not going back?"  
  
"Not if I can help it." Sirius answered hollowly.  
  
"That's cool then. I mean, you are welcome here for as long as you need it. You're like my brother anyway."  
"Don't use that word." Sirius murmured. James quirked an eyebrow in confusion. "I, I fought with Regulus tonight too. It was brutal. He, he said things that…I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Alright. I'm okay with that. But if you need to talk…"  
  
"I will James. Just not yet. It's…it's fucked. It's all fucked!" Sirius buried his head in his hands, mostly for the excuse to stop looking at James. There was too much pity on his face. And an awkward look that came from seeing someone you care about hurting and not knowing how to help.  
  
James was Sirius' best friend, and he was good for a lot of things. Good for pranks, for stories, for sneaking out and getting into trouble. He was good for fun things. But he wasn't good for situations like this.  
  
"I need to talk to Remus." Sirius didn't realize he'd said it aloud until he saw the pained look in James' eyes.  
  
"You can't talk to me?" James asked, looking extremely hurt.  
  
Sirius took a deep breath. "James he just…he understands this shit more. That's one reason why we're, well…"  
  
"Dating?" James supplied.  
  
"Yeah. Because, because we support each other. He, his mum drinks too. And, I don't know. It's…never mind. I can talk to you." Sirius murmured.  
  
"No. Sirius, this is a dumb time to get jealous, and if you need to talk to Remus then I can owl him or ask mum to pick him up or something. I don't care."  
  
"No, it's, it's stupid. I'll be fine." Sirius thought of Andromeda, how ironic it was that he'd run away on the night they found out about Ted. "I should owl Andy. She'd have a good laugh over this."  
  
"Laugh?" James asked, looking very confused. "I thought this was a bad thing."  
  
"Well I'm rootless now, and I'm in shock. But…it's not like I have no place to go. I mean…what they were saying, that was all shit right?"  
  
"What were they saying Sirius?"  
  
"That no one would take me in…no one would want me." Sirius muttered.  
  
"Well you know that's full of shit. Mum absolutely loves you. Of course, she loves everyone, so I guess that's not saying much. But you're more than welcome here. I'm kinda glad about it, actually." James said, then grimaced. "That was the wrong thing to say wasn't it?"  
  
Sirius smiled. "No it wasn't. Yeah, I guess I don't need to be all depressed. I mean, I'm free of them. Like Andy. I don't ever have to see them again if I don't want to. But…I won't be imposing on you guys, right?"  
"Sirius look around this house. We're not filthy rich, but Dad pulls in more money than we need to live comfortably. They're joking around about buying me a Porsche just to burn some of it."  
  
"What the hell's a Porsche?" Sirius asked in confusion.  
  
"I have no clue. I think it's a car." James answered.  
  
"We should ask Remus, bet he'd know."  
  
"Or Lily…"  
  
Distant smiles graced the lips of both boys and James knew, for the moment at least, everything was alright. 


	4. Why Remus Doesn't Drink

"Reya, Reya c'mere!" Lucille Lupin shouted up the stairwell. Remus and Reya had taken refuge in Remus' room. They were using the guise of Reya helping Remus with some homework to try to keep the psycho away from them. Unfortunately, it wasn't working very well as Lucille knew the Easter holidays had just started and Remus had a week to finish any and all schoolwork.

Reya scowled, but did not answer her mother. She continued to read Remus' homework, seemingly oblivious to the slurs and curses. Although she wasn't really reading it so much as fixing her gaze on it while clenching her jaw and muttering something along the lines of 'stay away from me, leave me alone'.Remus looked nervously at the doorway."Reya…she's going to come up here." Remus whispered."You might want to recheck your sources on this one, I don't think there were any goblin rebellions in China." Reya said tersely."Reya! Cummout an' talk to me! Oof!" There was a bang, and then several thuds and Lucille fell down the stairs. The kids waited in a tense silence, waited for her to get up and resume her shouting. After three minutes of silence, Remus stood up and walked to the door."Where are you going?" Reya growled."I'm going to go make sure she didn't kill herself!" Remus snapped."You act like that would be a bad thing." Reya said scathingly. Remus glared at her, then continued on his way.Mrs. Lupin was sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, a smashed wine glass next to her. She looked dazed, and her knee was bloodied, but otherwise she was fine. Remus crouched down next to her. "C'mon mum, we need to clean that cut."

"Jus' do a healing charm R'mus." Mrs. Lupin slurred, attempting to stand, but falling back against her son. Remus supported her and started leading her towards the bathroom.

"I can't use magic out of school so we'll have to take care of it the Muggle way, okay mum?" Remus said, trying to keep his voice even. She was reeking of alcohol and he had to fight the urge to wretch.

"I can do it." Mrs. Lupin insisted.

"M-mum, that's not a good idea. I mean, in your state-"

"What're you implying?" Mrs. Lupin asked angrily, pulling away from Remus and promptly tripping over herself and hitting the ground.

"Well…it's just not a good idea to practice magic when you're…er…not sober. You make more mistakes that way-"

"I know what happens! I'm not drunk!" Lucille yelled, some spit spraying out of her mouth as she spoke. Remus took a deep breath before helping her up again.

"Well, mum, see maybe you just…you know, don't realize how, er, inebriated you are-"

"I'm not drunk!" She yelled again. But she didn't try to pull away from him this time.

"Mum, you're slurring everything you're saying." Remus said rationally. "And, and I mean you fell down the stairs. And you've been drinking all day."

"I have not!" She denied vehemently. Remus had just gotten them to the bathroom. He sat her down on the toilet and then found a clean face cloth and soaked it in water.

"Mum you smell like Southern Comfort." Remus tried again."I was drinkin' a little. But m'not drunk!" She yelled, spraying Remus with spit. Gritting his teeth, he began cleaning the cut."Okay fine then, you're not drunk. You're just tired and a little tipsy. You still shouldn't be doing magic though." Once Remus finished with the water, he poured a little hydrogen peroxide onto the face cloth and dabbed at the cut with that. He was applying a band-aid when Mrs. Lupin tried to get up again."Mum, wait a minute. I'm almost done." Remus pleaded."'M gonna go get m'wand an show you I can do m-magic. 'N tha m'not drunk!" Lucille declared, heading for the doorway. Remus grabbed her and attempted to pull her back."Mum, please! Just let me put on the band aid!" Remus begged."Leggo! Get yer hands offame!" Lucille pulled away from him and banged into the wall. Remus cringed. He'd gotten a deep inhale of Southern Comfort that time, and it made him nauseous.

"Just think about it! There's no risk this way! If you do magic you could hurt yourself! It makes more sense to just put a band aid on!" Remus yelled, but at the same time Lucille yelled over him.

"You don't hafta tell me wha' ta do! Yer the kid, 'm the parent okay? Okay Remus? Y'don' tell me what ta do!" Remus stared at the wall, trying to think. And also trying to ignore the knot of anger forming in his stomach.

"Fine, curse your damn leg off. I don't care, I'm going to bed."

"Don' talk to me like that! I'm yer mother!"

"And a fine one at that!" Remus yelled, storming up the stairs. He ran into his room and slammed the door behind him. Reya was sitting on his bed, a cruel smile on her lips.

"Well you handled that well, didn't you Remey?" She asked.

"Shut up. Leave me alone." Remus hissed.

"So she claims to be sober?" Reya laughed derisively. "Right. Well, anyway, you're the high and mighty one always telling me not to rise up to their level and all that. I love seeing you lose your temper." Reya said, stretching out. "And your essay sucks. Avoid using so many big words, there's nothing more annoying to a teacher than phony intellectuals. And having to use a dictionary to grade a paper."

"Oh thanks." Remus said sarcastically. "Now get out of my room." Reya looked out the window.

"Hmm. Jim just pulled up. And mum would be…?"

"Sprawled on the floor downstairs sobbing about what a horrible son I am…oh shit Reya." Remus whispered.

"What?" Reya asked. "You just kicked me out, I'm not helping you." And with that, she retreated for her own room. Remus crouched on his bed, hoping Jim wasn't in the mood to make this confrontation physical. Because there would be a confrontation. There always was.  
And, practically on schedule, five minutes later Jim was standing in Remus' doorway, glaring at him like some sort of vermin.

"So you been harassing your mother again boy?"

"I was trying to help her clean a cut she got on her knee." Remus explained, keeping his voice very small and meek.

"She says you were telling her what to do, and that you threw her into a wall."

Remus wanted to scream the truth at Jim, but he knew that wouldn't help, so instead he just stared at his hands, waiting.

'God I hate my life'.  
  
SOME TIME LATER

"So I hope you all did your research like good little Marauders over the vacation?" James asked, once the four had gotten on the Hogwarts Express.

Remus was gazing out the window, but that query brought him back to the present. "Huh? What research?" Remus asked."Oh, you're exempt from that." James said dismissively. He turned to the others. "Sirius, did you break into the family library? You said there'd be some goodies in there."

"Yeah…yeah lots of interesting spell books. And I did find a few things on the Anamgus transformation-"

"You guys are still doing that?" Remus practically yelped.

James, Peter and Sirius all stared at him. Then James said, in a very patronizing voice, "Yes, yes Moony we still are. We've never stopped working on it."

"It's just…well it's dangerous, isn't it?" He asked.

"Well it wouldn't be fun if it wasn't." Sirius said, as though this were the most obvious thing in the world. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few pages he'd obviously ripped out of some massive books. "Now I'm wondering why the noble house of Black owns books that distinctly resemble those we found in the restricted section…"

Remus turned back to the window, knowing full well once James Potter and Sirius Black decided something, he would be hard pressed to talk them out of it. And once the two of them decided something, Peter Pettigrew would follow without question and with much enthusiasm. He looked up again when Sirius began talking about what was on the last folded page.

"And I found this excellent spell tucked away back there on how to transfigure water into different alcohols."

"Excellent." James said approvingly. "Good work Sirius."

Remus turned to look at his friends, a deep frown on his face, but as he had not told them about his aversion to alcohol, and didn't plan on ever doing so, he kept quiet.

LATER

"Ostentatious." Remus said miserably. The portrait swung open and he entered the Gryffindor common room. When he'd left for the library, James, Sirius and Peter had been trying out the new water transfiguration spells. Remus was relatively sure they'd have gotten it by now, and be drunk off their arses to boot.He dragged himself over to the dorm and looked in. Sure enough, the three were laying on the floor surrounded by empty cups, all of them giggling, Peter hiccupping."Tha's the best sp-spell yet. They should teach ush thing like tha' in shool." Peter decided, waving his near empty glass and spilling a few drops of wine.Sirius stood up and stumbled over to Remus."Moony! You mished the fun! We did it, was easy. An we got good too! I made vodka at one point, but thennit got harder again, so we went back ta wine." Sirius explained. Remus cringed. He could smell the alcohol on Sirius' breath. Granted that wasn't very hard, he was standing a lot closer to Remus than he normally would have.Remus adopted a closed look to his face, then got into his bed and snapped the curtains shut. "I think I'll just go to sleep now, I'm tired."

"Wha' crawled up's arse an died?" James asked, which sent Peter into a fresh wave of giggles.  
Remus closed his eyes and willed himself not to scream. He could feel angry tears stinging at his eyes. 'I hate alcohol, I bloody hate alcohol'.

"R'mus? Y'okay?" Sirius asked. He stumbled towards Remus' bed and fell over. "Oof!" Peter and James started laughing at him.

"Yer so pissed Siriush." Peter giggled.

"Tha's the idea Pete." Sirius answered.

For the next week, Remus completely closed himself off from the other three. Sirius was starting to get concerned, but he didn't pay it much mind. Remus was very temperamental, and he had mood swings a lot. Sirius figured it was part of being a werewolf.He didn't think about it again until Friday after Herbology. He'd been partnering Remus on a Mimbleus Mimbletonia and the ordeal had left them both covered in stinksap. Professor Sprout gave them permission to leave class early to shower and change."Sorry-sorry-sorry!" Sirius yelled, while they raced through the castle."It's okay! I should've told you it would do that if you pressed it anyway!" Remus yelled over him, in unusually good spirits considering the aroma they were giving off. "You should've seen your face when it squirted, it was priceless."

Sirius grinned. "And you should've seen Sprout's face. 'And once again, Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin provide an example of what you should not do when handling the specimen…'"

Remus started cracking up. The fat lady gave them an insolent stare as they entered the common room.

"Skiving class again I see…"

"Oh give over, we have a reason." Sirius snapped at the portrait. She rolled her eyes, and Remus yanked him up to the dorms.

Sirius peeled off his now putrid robes and frowned. "I hope this stuff comes out."

"It had better. Mum'll kill me if I ruined another set of robes." Remus commented, as he disrobed.

Sirius looked up, intending to say something sarcastic, but stopped.  
Remus' bare back was facing him, and there was a gigantic ugly bruise on his shoulder blade.

"How did that happen?" Sirius asked in shock. Remus snapped his head around, saw Sirius staring, and immediately turned around, his face now flushed.

"That? Oh it's nothing…I just, I was-um…I fell down over the holiday." Remus said quickly.

"That was from a fall?" Sirius asked in amazement.

"Yeah, I was climbing a tree near my house. I-I landed on a rock." Remus explained, wiping the stinksap off of him with more vigour now. He was desperate to get a shirt on.Sirius chewed his lip. "It looks really painful. Why don't you heal it?"

"Oh, um…well it just slipped my mind. I mean, since it happened over the holiday and all. Besides, I can't really reach my back anyway." Remus said quietly, reaching for a shirt.

Sirius stopped him, then turned him around. "I'll take care of it." He whispered. Remus' breath caught in his throat. Sirius moved his hands over the bruise and Remus winced, but the hands were gentle and soon he relaxed. Sirius muttered a healing spell and his hands grew warm. Sirius massaged the spot, and Remus felt the bruise disappear."Th-thanks." Remus stammered, wanting more than anything for Sirius to take his hands away, but at the same time wanting them to stay where they were more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life."No problem." Sirius whispered, right in his ear. Remus shivered, then pulled his shirt on.

"C'mon, we need to hurry. We'll be, we'll be late for Potions."

Sirius sighed in frustration, then continued to wipe off the stinksap.

Sirius didn't think back on the bruise, or how Remus went funny whenever the other Marauders drank, until sixth year. Over the winter holiday, the Potters were going away and Sirius didn't want to go back to his own home (obvious reasons), so he stayed at Remus' place. Remus seemed reluctant to let him do so, but he did, regardless.Then Sirius got a clear idea of why Remus would have mysterious marks on his body, and why alcohol made him cringe. By the end of the week, it made Sirius cringe too.Still, Remus didn't seem to want to talk about it, so Sirius kept quiet. But he was also careful not to drink around Remus, something that James and Peter didn't understand, but didn't question.  
Then one night when Prongs and Wormtail were passed out (and completely pissed) Sirius received another reminder of Remus' home life. Remus was explaining things about those books he liked so much, something of the ring, and Sirius was getting very bored. Remus could go on for hours about Hobbits and Elves if one left him to it.Sirius leaned over on the premise of looking at the book Remus was holding, and then snatched it out of his hands. "Hey, give that back!" Remus yelled indignantly.Sirius darted out of reach. "Only if you promise to stop blabbing on about it." Sirius taunted."I'll make no such promise, now give it back!" Remus yelled, diving. Sirius was very good at one on one keep away, and Remus' prospects of getting the book back looked slim…if he played fair.Remus feigned left, then charged right and pushed Sirius against the wall. He held his wrists, then reached for the book with one hand, but to do that, he'd had to release the other hand. Sirius made use of that and managed to get both of Remus' wrists in one hand."Ha!" Sirius yelled, waving the book inches from Remus' face."Don't make me bite you."

"Ooo…getting kinky now, are we?" Sirius teased.

Remus smiled an evil sort of smile, then kneed him in the crotch. Sirius fell over, making odd gasping noises, and also dropped the book. Remus caught it easily and smiled with satisfaction."That wasn't fair!" Sirius squeaked. Then he kicked Remus' legs out from under him and tackled him to the floor. He climbed on top of Remus while Remus did his best to get away."Ow, ow! Sirius let me up!" Remus yelled, all the mirth gone from his voice. Sirius got up and Remus sat up quickly, massaging his stomach.

"Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to." Sirius apologized quickly.

"No, it's just this bruise." Remus winced, rubbing his side. Sirius' eyes darkened."Another bruise?" He asked.Remus looked up. "Y-yeah."

"Like the one from before?" A withdrawn look came to Remus' face. He stood up and inched over towards his bed.

"It's nothing, just a little bruise. Don't talk about it anymore."

"It didn't sound like nothing when you were screaming in pain." Sirius observed, but Remus had already retreated behind his bed curtains.

Sirius frowned. 'Soon, soon I will do something to actually help him.'

END


	5. fractured

Title: Fractured Author:

eMu Summary: Angsty and sappy.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: JK owns them, gets the money from them and as such can front the therapy bills from the shit I do to them for fun!

Author's Notes: I'm almost brain dead in my tiredness from writing this so we'll see how it goes. I like-y reviews a lot, but if you're going to tell me about something stupid I wrote then be nice because I am sleepy…so very sleepy.

Remus sat alone in the dimly lit bedroom, leaning against the headboard of his creaky and less than comfortable bed. It was drizzling, it was late and his mother was battling it out with his sister downstairs…it seemed an ideal time to stay in his room and draw.

He was currently working on a sketch of Sirius Black, who seemed to be occupying a lot of space in his sketchbook as of late, both as Padfoot and his human form. 'He's just an interesting subject…he has classic features', Remus thought to himself.

"You booze soaked whore! I'm never coming back to this miserable place!" The sound of his sister's screams were fairly audible through the floorboards.

"Then y-you leave you ungrateful b-bitch! You're a bitch!" His mother returned. The scraping of chair legs against linoleum indicated one of them had gotten up, and the thudding and loud bang indicated it had been Mrs. Lupin stumbling around and falling

"You love your alcohol more than your children! Would you even notice if one of us died!?" Reya yelled.

"You shut up! Shut up!" The distraught woman shouted back. It sounded like Reya had pushed her pretty far.

A car pulled into the driveway. "Oh shit." Remus murmured, looking out his dirty window. Jim, his mother's boyfriend and source of their livelihood since the death of Remus and Reya's father, had just gotten home. Having a werewolf for a son, plenty of debts and little money of her own had limited Mrs. Lupin's options in a mate, and Jim was an abusive and easily angered man. He also hated seeing Reya and Remus "disrespect" their mother.

Reya, oblivious to Jim's return, kept screaming at her mother anyway.

Remus started humming softly, trying to tune out the sounds in the kitchen, but it was in vain. He stared at his drawing until his eyes burned, then flipped the page and started writing.

Trapped, I'm trapped here Leave can't leave must leave Miss school Sirius James Peter miss my friends hate home Make me want to die suffocating here alone friendless no one loves me unwanted must leave let me go I can't stay with them it's not my fault I hate them stop hitting us bleeding broken I'm wrong angry no please stop all this make it stop I want to be normal I hate my life I want to die no I don't I hate it all make it stop

"You ungrateful bitch! Don't you know how much she's done for you?!"

"Oh yeah, she's done a helluva lot, hasn't she Jimmy old boy?! Just look at this fine house! And me and Remus had an excellent meal today, didn't we!? Canned beans, yum! You're such a splendid cook mother, however do you find the time between downing your vodka and passing out on the couch!?"

"I work so hard for y-you kids! You tuh tuh treat me like shit!"

"Jim, don't you dare touch me!"  
  
Miss school take me back I want to leave I want to be back I want to be with my friends miss them hate it here miss Sirius miss him feel safe with him feel wanted feel loved no one can hurt me no one can hurt me

Remus looked back over his scribbles. It was eerie how used to this he'd become. He had no recollection of writing any of it. He just started whenever he got stressed and it seemed to come from the depths of his soul, a sort of meditation. At least it helped tear his focus away from the sobs of his sister and the angry curses of his provider.

'If I were a decent person, I'd go down there and stick up for Reya', he thought to himself miserably. He stood up, reached for the doorknob. 'Don't be an idiot. It won't help things, he'll just beat you too'. Choosing to listen to the part of him vying for self preservation, Remus sat back down.

Reya was a smart girl. She knew these were losing battles. She always left before Jim started getting really bad. She would take off, leaving Jim in a rage and Jim would typically look for a reason to attack Remus. And if Remus was nowhere to be found he'd either punch a hole in the wall or go after his girlfriend. Yet anger management classes didn't sound reasonable to him.

Remus switched off his light and sat listening. The full moon was in a few days, so his senses were starting to get a little stronger than normal humans. About a week out of the month he had super senses, just before and just after the full moon. He could have heard everything going on in the house, even if it was in proper repair and the floors and walls blocked sound.

And he could hear Jim thudding up the stairs. He laid down and threw the blanket over himself quickly, pretending to sleep. He shut his eyes just as Jim opened the door. A few tense minutes passed by. Remus didn't hear anything, but he knew Jim was still standing there, because he obviously hadn't moved. He waited nervously.

Finally, Jim took a few steps forward. Then a few more. He bent down next to the bed. Remus laid perfectly still, waiting for Jim to shake him awake and start yelling. That would have been almost comforting. It was routine that way. He either let Remus sleep or woke him up. He never just stood there. He wasn't a patient man and this was weird.

Then he felt a sweaty hand on the side of his face, pushing his hair back. It was almost fatherly. That was disconcerting. Remus suppressed the urge to cringe at the unfamiliar touch.

Another hand roamed slowly up Remus' back, where the blanket was pulled down and only a thin white t-shirt shielded his skin from the unwelcome touch. Remus was feeling very uncomfortable. He'd never been touched by Jim, unless you counted hitting. And Jim was breathing a bit heavy.

"You can open your eyes you know. I know you're awake." Now that was scary. His voice was... husky.

Remus couldn't stop the shudder this time, as he realized how little of him the blanket was actually covering. One bare leg was sticking out from under the blanket, and most of his back.  
He warily opened his eyes and sat up, hoping Jim would back off. But he didn't take his hands away. Remus backed up until he was against the wall, but Jim continued to touch him.

"You really are a pretty boy, even if you are a dark creature." Jim murmured.

"Jim, what are you doing?" Remus asked, his voice sounding unusually high pitched. One of Jim's hands groped its way up Remus' thigh.

"You're almost beautiful." Jim continued, ignoring Remus' question. He stroked the inside of Remus' thigh. Jim's other hand was tickling Remus' arm.

"Please, please stop. I want to go to sleep." Remus whispered.

"Why should I?" Jim asked, taking one hand away and sliding it into his pants. "I've done a lot for your family you know. You think anyone else would have taken you in, being what you are? You owe me a lot Remus. And you're getting older now. Don't you think you should pay me back? Hmm?"

Remus shifted uncomfortably. "This is wrong. It's wrong. Leave me alone. If you leave now I won't tell anyone."

"Who would believe you anyway?" Jim asked, and with that resumed groping Remus. "Besides, I'm not doing anything wrong. Just admiring you."

"Stop." Remus said, grabbing one of Jim's hands. Some of the familiar anger came back to Jim's eyes. He slapped Remus across the face.

"You selfish little brat! You want everything for yourself without doing anything for anyone else! You think anyone else will ever want you, you being what you are? No one else will ever want to touch you. This is all you can get." Jim said, before grabbing Remus' arms and pinning him to the bed.

Remus struggled against the heavier man, beginning to panic. Jim leaned over him, taking Remus' wrists in one of his massive hands. Remus started screaming, and Jim threw him back against the bed and got up.

"You'll upset your mother you damned homo! You're the gay one anyway, not me. I'm not fucked up like you." Jim hissed. He looked scared now, scared of what he had almost done. He ran from the room quickly.

Remus grabbed his knees, his body was shaking. "Oh God!" He whispered brokenly. "I can't stay here." He got up from his bed and dressed quickly. He pulled on a sweatshirt and made for the window with the climbing tree next to it.  
  
Twenty minutes later Remus was walking around town. His sweatshirt was already damp from the light drizzle and he was cold, but he didn't want to go back home. He looked in a shop window to check the time. 1:47. He doubted anything was open.

'I guess I could go the hobo route'. He thought depressingly, remembering a bridge nearby that Sirius and James had shown him. It was pretty remote, the only people that really went there were teens to get high (thus the two knowing about it) and at least it would keep him dry. But being closer to James' house than his own, it was a good forty minute walk, at least.

'Although my other options are so much more attractive.' Remus thought bitterly. Deciding a destination was nice, he made off for the bridge.  
  
It was pouring by the time Remus got to the bridge. He huddled against the wall of the bridge, wishing he'd thought to bring something useful with him, like a pack of matches. He was tempted to conjure a fire, but then he didn't want the Ministry after him either.

He was wallowing in self pity when he heard voices approaching. On instinct, he hid himself in the shadows.

"Jeezus Prongs, it's pouring."

"Sorry Padfoot, but if mum catches me smoking up again she's confiscating my broom."

Remus repressed the urge to groan. Possibly the last two people he wanted to see him in his current state, Sirius Black and James Potter.

The two sat down, teeth chattering and looking very upset. Sirius shook himself dry in the manner of his alter ego, and Remus felt a smile tug at his lips. James pulled a lighter out of his pocket, and a plastic bag with a few joints in it.

Remus edged away from them, hoping he could get back to the street without being spotted. He was almost on the grassy slope leading up to the sidewalk when his toe hit a beer can and sent it into the wall. Sirius and James snapped their heads up and saw Remus.

"Moony, what are you doing here?" James asked, his surprise evident on his face.

"I…um, I was just…" Remus stuttered, trying to think of a reasonable excuse to be hiding under a bridge at three in the morning during a downpour. Nothing came to mind.

"Jeezus, you're drenched. How long have you been here?" Sirius asked, looking concerned.

"Um…"

"Were you going to say hi?" James asked.

Remus chewed his lip. Sirius took off his cloak and placed it over Remus. "You can tell us if something's up, okay?" Sirius whispered. Remus could tell he was thinking about that bruise he'd seen after the Easter holidays. Sirius knew Remus got the shit beat out of him at home, but Remus didn't want to tell him about what had just happened.

"I just had to get away…I don't want to talk about it." Remus said in response. James and Sirius exchanged looks. Nodding, James slipped the pot back into his pockets.

"C'mon, you're staying at my house tonight." James said decisively.

Remus felt a wave of gratitude overtake him. He clutched Sirius' cloak tighter to himself as they began the trek back to civilization.  
  
It didn't take them long to reach James' house. Remus had been there a few times before, most notably for the co-ed theatre sleepover. Remus found it amusing, the house looked just like any other Muggle dwelling on the street. Actually, it was a lot nicer than most of them. There were even two cars parked in the driveway. But inside it was about as much of a Wizarding house as it could be.

James lead them around back and bent down by a basement window. "Mum and Dad are asleep, let's see if we can keep it that way, alright?" James whispered.

"Aren't they going to wonder what I'm doing here in the morning?" Remus asked.

"We'll think of something when it comes up." Sirius said dismissively, slipping through the window. James held it open for Remus, who landed rather clumsily on the cement floor. Sirius helped him up and lead him towards the stairs, a thud behind them telling them James had just gotten in.

They tip toed up the creaky basement stairs, doing their best not to make a sound. Sirius opened the door to the kitchen, did a double take, then walked in at a normal volume. James swallowed nervously, then urged Remus on.

The kitchen light was on, and Mrs. Potter was sitting at the kitchen table sipping cocoa. She looked upset, but it was in a very cute way. She was pouting.

"James Potter, where have you been? I went to check on you and Sirius and you were both gone. Could you have left a note?"

"Sorry mum…" James said lamely.

"We didn't mean to worry you Mrs. Potter." Sirius said, flashing her wounded puppy eyes. Remus tried to hide a smirk. He was wondering if that would work.

"Oh Sirius it's okay, don't feel bad. Do you boys want some cocoa? Oh, who's this?"

"This is Remus. Remember, he was at the theatre sleepover." James introduced.

"Oh…" Mrs. Potter smiled awkwardly, obviously having no idea who Remus was. "Do you want cocoa? Or Rice Crispie squares? Wait, why is he here James? Won't his parents be worried? Oh honey, you're all wet. James, go get him some dry clothes. Oh I'll do it then. Help yourself to some food, we had tuna casserole for supper tonight!" Mrs. Potter took off up the stairs.

Remus' eyes widened in shock. "You complain about this woman?" He asked.

Sirius snorted. "I know. I've offered him to trade about a million times over by now. I would love it if the most annoying thing about my mum was that she gave me too many Rice Crispie squares."

"Well it does get annoying, having her always butt into my business. She never leaves me alone." James whined. Sirius and Remus both opened their mouths to argue when Mrs. Potter re-entered.

"Honey, I got you some jammies and a sweatshirt because you looked cold and you're really thin, when was the last time you ate? Have some of the tuna, it's really good! Well, at least I tried to make it good, it might not've come out very well because the boys only had three servings each tonight and-"

"Mum! If it's okay, we're just gonna go up to bed. I want to get to sleep before the birds come out." James cut her off.

"Oh, okay then." Mrs. Potter smiled widely at them, handing Remus some jammies.

"Thank you." Remus said politely. She squeed and hugged him. He froze, unsure how to respond.

"Ooo, Jamie I like this one! He's really nice! Okay, um…we haven't gotten our new guest room ready yet since Sirius just moved in so you'll have to bunk with one of the other boys for tonight. Or James could sleep on the couch-"

"Why do I have to sleep on the couch?" James asked, sounding annoyed.

"Because you're the host!" Mrs. Potter squeaked.

"Sirius lives here too now, so he's a host too. Why don't you offer him the couch?" James whined.

"James be nice!" Mrs. Potter pouted, glaring at her son.

"It's okay, Remus can just bunk with me!" Sirius offered.

"Yeah, yeah that'll be fine." Remus said.

"Okay then. Have fun with your sleepover! But next time tell me, okay honey?"

"Alright mum."

Remus threw his wet clothes into a corner and sat down on the bed.

"So when did you move in with James?" He asked conversationally.

Sirius flopped down next to him.

"About a month ago. Meryl's nice, isn't she? I feel like such a kiss ass because James is always picking rows with her and I keep siding with her. I don't understand this kid. Meryl is…well she's perfect." A distant smile was fixed on Sirius' face. He rolled onto his side to face Remus. "So…what about you? Is their next guest bedroom going to turn into your room or something?"

Remus frowned. He'd been avoiding thinking about this. "I…don't know. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Remus…I know you've dealt with a lot of shit at your house before, okay, but this time I'm really worried about you. I mean, what could've happened that was worse than all the other shit? Cuz it's worse this time, isn't it?" Sirius asked, sitting up and forcing Remus to look at him with that concerned gaze. "I just want to know you're safe."

"I…I don't know if I am." Remus answered.

Sirius' eyes widened, and a spark of anger was visible in his eyes. Remus quickly regretted what he'd said.

"I-I mean, I'm sure I am I just feel weird right now, and you probably shouldn't even listen to anything I say. The moon phase is making me act weird." Remus said quickly.

"Don't lie to me Remus. What did he do?" Sirius demanded, his anger bubbling just under the surface.

"Jim? H-he didn't do anything. Just the usual. He yelled at me." Remus lied, very unconvincingly. He edged away from Sirius, hoping to somehow change the subject.

Sirius moved closer to him and grabbed his wrist. He began inspecting his arms, looking for bruises. "Sirius, let me go!" Remus whimpered.

"Where is it? Where did he hit you?" Sirius asked, probing Remus' skin with his fingers, feeling for bruises. Remus was feeling panicked. He knew it was Sirius, and he knew that Sirius didn't want to hurt him, but all he could think about and visualize was Jim holding him down, breathing heavily and groping him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" Remus screamed. He wrenched a hand free from Sirius and punched his jaw. Sirius fell over and Remus backed into a corner, looking for all the world like a scared animal. Sirius held his jaw and stared at Remus, but understanding dawned on his face.

"That sick…"

Remus took a few calming breaths and sat down, keeping his eyes away from Sirius. "It's not like that. He didn't really do anything. H-he just…he wanted to. A-and he, he said…" Remus' voice trailed off and he realized he was crying.

Sirius crouched down next to him. He looked like he wanted to hold Remus, but he didn't want to overstep his bounds again. Remus leaned his back against the wall.

"You can't go back there." Sirius whispered.

"I have to. I have nowhere else to go." Remus answered. He could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks. He'd never been more miserable. He felt so trapped.

"Sure you do. You can stay here. Meryl took me in, I'm sure she'd be more than happy to take you too."

"No…I can't." Remus whispered. "I can't tell anyone else. I don't want anyone else to know."

"Meryl doesn't ask a lot of questions."

"But James does. Sirius, please don't tell anyone." Remus pleaded. Sirius chewed his now slightly swollen lip.

"I can't promise that Moony. I'm worried about you."

"If you're worried then promise you won't tell!" Remus yelled, more tears coming.

"I think…if you don't ask to stay here then I'm going to the police."

"No! Sirius you can't!" Remus yelled. Sirius yelled over him.

"I'm not going to let you go back there and get raped, alright?!" Remus grew quiet, and hugged his knees. He dropped his head onto his chest and started crying again.

"You can't go to the police." He whispered.

"And why not?" Sirius asked, sounding irritated.

"Because if you go to the police they'll arrest Jim."

"That's what I figured." Sirius said flatly.

"You don't get it! If they arrest Jim then we'll have no money and no house, and mum and Reya have some sort of living condition now. I can't take it away from them since I'm the one that took away their old life to begin with! It's my fault we have no house and no money of our own and mum has to sleep with disgusting men so we can live! I can't take this away too!"

Sirius remained silent, waiting for Remus to finish. It looked like a lot of things Remus had buried inside of him were coming to the surface. "Your fault?" He finally said. "How?"

"I had to go play in the woods after dark. I was so stupid, and-and Dad came to find me and the wolf killed him and I got bit and now we don't have anything!" Remus sobbed. "It's my fault we live like this!"

"How old were you?" Sirius asked.

"F-four."

"So. Someone should have been watching you then." Sirius pointed out.

"Mum told Reya to. But Reya never watched me." Remus whispered.

"Then it's not your fault at all, and if they've been telling you that then they're full of shit. You were a child. I don't care if you were the most intelligent four year old on the planet, that's still too young to be left unattended." Sirius said, sounding angry again.

Remus nodded. "I know what you're saying makes sense. I just…I could never forgive myself for letting Dad die." Remus whispered, sounding broken. Sirius wanted more than ever to take him into his arms and comfort him, but he didn't dare try after what had happened the last time he'd touched Remus.

"Look…Meryl won't mind you staying. At least think about it, okay?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded. Sirius sat there awkwardly for a minute. He was about to stand up, but Remus placed a hand on his arm. Sirius sat back down.

"I'm sorry I punched you. I sort of lost control."

"No, Remus it's okay. I deserved it. After what you just went through, touching you like that-"

"No, it's not okay. You were just trying to look our for me. And I'm sorry." Remus said firmly. Remus grimaced. "This is the scariest sensation. I'm afraid that any time anyone touches me, all I'm going to be able to think about is Jim holding me down and groping me…" Remus' voice trailed off.

Sirius frowned. "Then you'll just have to refrain from casual sex."

"What?" Remus asked, taken aback.

"Well…I only see that being a problem if you're just messing around with someone you hardly know. But if you're being touched by someone you care about, and who cares about you, then I'm relatively sure they'll be able to help you through it." Sirius explained.

Remus considered. "I hope so. Otherwise I'll be a virgin forever. Well, that might happen anyway."

"I wouldn't count on it." Sirius said, before he'd thought properly about what he was saying. Remus raised an eyebrow and he started blushing. "I mean, um…you're, er…"

"Let's just go to bed, alright?"

"Yeah. We'll straighten everything out in the morning." Sirius climbed into the bed. The one bed. He looked questioningly at Remus. "Is this going to be okay? Because I can sleep on the couch if you want. It's a comfy couch."

Remus hesitated for a moment, then crawled into bed next to Sirius. "This will be fine."

He whispered, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius stroked his hair, a smile on his face.  
'I promise I'll touch you and make it feel good'. Sirius thought happily, before drifting into peaceful sleep.  
END


End file.
